Just Whining Again

Woe is Me

Seems like I'm still flying by my shirtsleeves.  I honestly don't know where the week went.  I certainly have little to show for it.  And it is not as if I have been sitting around doing nothing! I have been busy all the time but I suppose, like many other retirees, I fill my days with meaningless chores, trips and exercises that leave little or no imprint.

Shopping trips, visits to the libraries, lunch dates with friends, snooping through malls, often repeated trips to places where I should have accomplished two, three, or more things but did only one and forgot (or was not aware) about the others, account for alot of lost time but very minimal impression and certainly nothing to brag about. (Oh Me, Oh My.)

Hey, but we don't sit there and complain that we're bored!!  Honestly, I have heard that complaint from some retirees.  So I may have to repeat trips, and I may sometimes do useless and meaningless things, but time marches on in my world.  It certainly does not drag!!!

Except winter!!!! Winter has been dragging far, far, far too long.  So I AM COMPLAINING!   LOUDLY!  Who's with me on this??????????

Patience

Holding my breath  

I heard a crow the other day

The geese have honked all day

Seagulls screech all 'round us

But that snow just won't go 'way.

  

The temperatures scream  "Winter"

They refuse to loosen their grip

They force boots onto our cold feet 

And warm longjohns on our hip.  

We can't forgo our parkas

Or the earmuffs for our ears

Though the sun seems warm from above

That icy wind brings tears.

Somewhere a bird calls "spring-time"

But she really has no inkling 

Of the torment she is causing

I don't know what she's thinking

Perhaps I should be patient

But I've been that for so long

It hasn't brought that pleasure

I still pine for the robin's song.

I want to see the green grass

And I know you think I'm lyin'

I'd even welcome all the lowly weeds 

 And that pesky dandelion!

Hi Tech Ignorance

In The Dust
This new technology has literally left me in the dust.  I knew this before, but I was not aware of the full extent of this relentless march. I knew technology had invaded the world of communications big time.  I also was aware of how much technology had improved our lives in the field of labour, travel, trade. food production and distribution and just our lifestyles in general.

However, I was totally taken off guard last week when I was asked to "help at a Bingo".  Because it was volunteering  for the CNIB,  I readily agreed, assuming I would be assisting some blind patrons dab numbers on a paper cards, or at worse, call out numbers or sell them the paper cards.  When I was asked if I had ever played bingo before, I was almost insulted.   I was no dummy!  "Of course. I had!" I saw no need to inform them that it was forty years ago, back in our little village of Ethelbert.  I had supported those fundraisers then both by playing and working at the Bingos.

The coordinators took my confident affirmation to mean I was knowledgeable about modern fundraising Bingos but  I felt brashly self righteous that I would even have to answer such a silly  question.
However I was in for a major revelation and a huge dose of updated education about the modern world! Technology has now invaded bingos!  They are  big business  and have really gone hi-tech.  You have to be a rocket scientist to play bingo these days.  It is no longer a "Dab the number" game. They even have electronic tablets that help you to keep score!

No! I would not have a clue how to play Bingo now.  It far too technical for me and one more time I have been proven to be just a simple "old ignoramus"!
Oh well, I never did like  sitting there waiting for somebody to call a number so I could dab it with a color dabber. That is one bit of education I can live without!

Fond Memories

Memories of Easters Past
We spent a quiet Easter this year, doing nothing spectacular, just enjoying the the familiar serenity of family and home surroundings.  But as I sat here reminiscing tonight and browsing through my travel photo albums, memory took me back to some exciting  Easters of days gone by. One exceptionally memorable Easter season back in the early 1990's stood out in particular. Life held incredible and dramatic adventures back in those youthful years.   I look back on those days with awe and wonder and I marvel that I should have been so fortunate to have experienced so much.

My girlfriend and I had booked a month long vacation in Australia and New Zealand that spring.  We left San Francisco on  Saturday evening before Easter Sunday, making a brief stop in Honolulu and arrived in Auckland, New Zealand on Monday morning.  We lost Easter Sunday somewhere over the equator, I guess.  (Coming back we gained a day, arriving in Frisco, hours before we left Auckland!!!!  It was really weird.)

I was the adventuresome type and when we came to Ayers Rock in Central Australia, I was determined to "Climb the Rock"! Now I am "adventuresome", not "foolhardy"!  It's a mile high very steep climb to the top of Ayers Rock.
BUT I DID CLIMB TO THE TOP ----THE TOP OF CHICKEN ROCK!!!!  
(That's me waving  up there near the top of that second picture.  (I did not wish to show you just how far from the top this lowly section really was.)  Suffice it to say , I climbed to the TOP of something!!!!

Spendour of Our North

A Stunning Revelation

I met a lady on the bus the other day.  She was a friendly sort and we started chatting.  It was a day after a heavy snowfall and roads and streets were a mess as the snowplows had not yet had a chance to clear them.
"Quite a mess" I told her,  "but then it's really no surprise.  This is the northern part of Canada, after all.
She laughed.  "This is nothing, where I come from."
Where do you come from?" I asked,
"I'm from the Northwest Territories," she said with a smile.  I wanted to hear more but our conversation was regretfully cut off when I arrived at my stop and had to get off.

It IS very beautiful country out there.  I have not been to the Territories but we travelled with a camper through the Yukon and Alaska one year and it was definitely an eye opener - an extremely  interesting one to me.  We "southerners (I lived in central Manitoba most of my life, now live here in Edmonton.) and I had always thought that north of the provincial border was bleak and barren and uninteresting.

NOT SO!!!!We did the Yukon/Alaska trip from mid June to mid July and we went as far north as the roads could take us. (the "North Pole site" marker).  It was absolutely one of the most fascinating trips I have ever been on!!! And I have travelled  quite alot - world wide!!! The countryside was ablaze with a kaleidoscope of vibrant colors of every kind of blossom imaginable. Huge mountains flaunt their majesty in spectacular snow-covered peaks, bluish grey rock and deep green forest vegetation that continues down into magnificently breathtaking valleys with the most incredible blue-green lakes with perfect mirror-like reflections of  that the unbelievable splendour in the background behind it.

Oh No! Our north is not barren and bleak.  It condenses its beauty into dramatic seasons of stunning grandeur that is absolutely unforgettable!!!

Stress Therapy

A Perfect Stress Releaver.  Bentley is a miniature Schnauzer  and a very empathatic companion when you just need a friend to commiserate with.  He never lectures you, never tells you to "just smarten up",  never scolds and never, ever, passes  judgement.  He is simply there to listen and be your friend in need.  He is always happy to see you no matter what your mood. No matter how long you have left him alone or neglected him, he never holds any grudges! He will simply lie quietly beside you and before you know it you will have forgotten that you felt bad or had any problems.  He'll have you smiling in no time.

Exasperated

Who Goofed And Set Me Up?

Last month, I ordered some books on line through my editor. Because my editor placed the order, I did not see the tracking numbers of the shipment or an estimated time of arrival of the shipment. That was not a concern for me.  We had done this before and had never encountered problems so I was totally unaware that the shipment was coming early (two weeks early, as a matter of fact).  The delivery guys  are usually courteous  and give me a ball park delivery date when they will be in the area, so I hang around home and wait for them. Since I had no reason to be on the lookout for them, I did not stick close to home and missed them for five trys. The guys DID try to let me know they were on the way.  They had sent me FIVE emails but I did not get them!  Google stuck them into my SPAM file.  I never check my spam file!  That is always  garbage mail!!!

I don't even have an idea what made me look there that Saturday night.  There I discovered FIVE  delivery notice emails dating since the 18th of February that my books had missed delivery to my door and had now finally been left at a post office almost a mile from my home awaiting pickup by me! (There was also an email from my niece who I correspond with regularly. For some odd reason it, too, was in the SPAM folder!! It was about a children's Birthday Party! Nothing flashy!)

I don't have a car  but I do have a little cart that I use for grocery shopping, so very impatiently, I waited till Monday to walk to that post office to pick up the books that should have been delivered to my apartment over two whole weeks ago!  What would have happened if I had not found out about the books being held in the post office.  What if they had shipped them back for non-delivery???

Why did those delivery emails go to the SPAM folder.  Did Google think they were Viagra shipments? Porn Pictures? Illicit drugs?!?!?   WHAT????  The books didn't even contain any explicit sex scenes, for heavens sake!!!!  People actually consider me straight-laced!

I guess I'll have to check my SPAM folder from now on, after all.  Heaven only knows what Google will stick into that folder next!  If I have missed legitimate emails in the past - that's life, I guess.

St. Patrick's Day

Not just for the Irish

I am not a green leprechaun

I’m not Irish through my birth

But I once kissed the Blarney Stone

And I saw St. Paddy’s berth.

So from his lofty perch I say

To folks both far and near

I wish you all God’s blessings

Throughout the coming year.

I wish for all a future  

Of a blissful youthful life

A world of second chances 

To fix your trials and strife.

A world that’s free of sorrow

A world of happy smiles

A world of pleasing biways

For miles and miles and miles.

A world of such perfection

No evil can conceive

No malice or iniquity

May your peaceful world percieve

I’d wish you all the treasures

And happiness galore

And nowhere be there sadness

It's banished forevermore

Happy St. Paddy’s Day to all.

Computer Handicap

Oops, I forgot to eat.

I'm a computer addict - a computer geek - if you will.  However a computer geek implies someone who is extremely knowledgeable about computers and how they work.  That totally eliminates me from the "geek"  category.  I only know what is absolutely necessary to what I am doing at the moment.  Beyond that, I am an ignoramus! When I run against a problem, I have a list of "go-to" people, my son, my daughter, my granddaughter, my niece (my editor), or a distant cousin who's an expert on blogging publications.  In other words, if it was not for these helpers I would be a strictly "text" person.  But that does not keep me off the computer!  I am a stubborn "gook" if nothing else.  I refuse to give up, even to the point of being a pain in other peoples' butts!  I can be a major pest without even trying!

Being retired and living alone in a one-bedroom apartment, I answer to no one.  This allows me the freedom to do as I please.  I get up when I feel like it, (anywhere between 7 and 10 AM). I go to bed when I am dead tired, (anywhere between 9 PM and 4 AM) and I eat when I get good and hungry, (breakfast can be anywhere from 8 AM  and 3 PM) thanks to my dictator, the computer!  Depending on what I start working on, what the computer hooks me with, and how determined I am to lick the problem at hand, I can lose all sense of time and purpose.  (You'd think that with such an erratic eating schedule, I would be skinny as a rail.)  NO SUCH LUCK!!! When I get to that fridge, I devour everything in sight!!!

So am I ready to change my ways???   Not on your life!!!!  I waited 65 years to get to this stage!!! Give it up? You think I'm nuts?   I intend to enjoy every minute of this.  I earned it and I am claiming it!
So go ahead and have fun with your envy!  It's your problem!   I intend to live the way I want to!

Alternative Possibilities

Alternate Possibilities

I have an ongoing problem.  It's been with me for almost fifteen years.  It will never go away. In fact, it will probably get worse with time and there is not a thing I can do to either improve, alter, or halt its progression.  I have learnt to adapt to my situation, but it is a major inconvenience in my life.

My problem is failing eyesight.  Back in '98 I lost sight in my left eye due to an ocular vein occlusion.  Though I regained some sight in it, I still am handicapped to a major degree, particularly for reading or close work.  Most of my friends know this and when they can, they offer helpful suggestions. The other day, a friend gave me a link to a site where I can download free ebooks onto my computer and then enlarge the print to make the print readable with my limited eyesight.  This would give me access to alot more reading material. That sounds wonderful! However it has a major drawback for me.  Between my writing (working on my fifth book), my blogging, my emails and some necessary research sessions, I am already spending way too much time at the computer.  I need to get away from that.  Audio books on cassettes and my walkman CD player are my escape from the computer chair and I utilize them while I do my housework, laundry, cooking, or exercising, thus maximizing the use of all my time while conserving my limited eyesight and giving my eyes a much needed break.

I am so very grateful to our modern technology for offering us alternative possibilities to exploit all our passions with enthusiasm and zeal. How very lucky we are in our retirement to indulge in exciting hobbies while still making productive use of our leisure time! What a boon this would have been to our ancestors!!!


  

A Grand Adventure

A Grand Adventure

As I gaze across a memory

Of idealistic youthful dreams

Those hopes and aspirations

That seemed just lacking schemes

Life's easy from a childish view

From the ignorance of bliss

Accomplishments and visions

Of success seem hard to miss

But days of youth slipped by so fast

And life took a different course

And suddenly the time has gone

Like a torrent of great force.

I’ve had to change perception

And adjust to meet the strife

Directions change with circumstance

And conditions shape a life.

Some goals that I had chosen

Were not easy to attain

The dreams I thought were simple once

I cannot dream again.

But life has not been futile

It’s been shaped by every venture

It’s been a rewarding journey

An altered grand adventure!

My Scale is Broke

My  Scale is Broke

Along with a million others
I decided to lose some weight
To shed those extra inches
Protruding across my waist.

I thought it should be easy
Cause my numbers were still few
But let me tell you straight, folks
Losing is hard to do.

Whether you're fighting with ten or twenty
Or a hundred or two
You're fighting that same darn battle
Against commercial crazy glue!

Those pounds are stuck as solid
They're determined to stay on
Shedding them's much harder
Than it was to put them on.

The times I was distracted
By treats of forbidden pleasure
Have added to my poundage
And doubled up my "measure".

By indulgeing those evil tastebuds
By succumbing to temptation
I have to pay the piper now
And suffer through starvation.

No matter how I try to lose
No matter how I pay
The scale refuses to go down
Those pounds are there to stay.

I only sinned "alittle"
But the pounds did multiply
A few pounds turned to twenty
And I just don't know why!

Enough Already

I Miss Mosquitoes?!?!?

Winter has not been that bad this year, certainly not half as bad as in some areas.  Call it "Global Warming",  call it "Banana Belt Effect", "Ell Ninio", "it's our turn", or just plain "Good Old-fashioned luck"!!!  But we have to admit we did get some nice breaks every now and then.  No really long stretches of unrelenting cold.

It could be worse. I know!!!  But I'm still ready for spring!  Spring - Nothing! I'm greedy!  I want summer! I'm longing for the discomfort of sweltering  90 degree weather. I'm envisioning myself desperately seeking momentary relief in some kind of air-conditioned quarters.  Heavens!  I even miss mosquitoes!!!  I'd even put up with those ubiquitous annoying pests that always manage to dodge my well-aimed slaps and tickle and bite me to distraction. Still I'd put up with them, just for the pleasure of getting out there on the open deck or on the grass with nothing more on than a pair of light pedal pushers and a  flimsy sleeveless top!  I can almost feel the breeze caressing my cheeks as it messes up my hairdo, drying up the sweat beneath it. Wistfully I can almost smell the fragrance of the various blossoms and hear the bees as they buzz among the blooms,  the birds twittering in the treetops above me.   This is the only way I know how to get myself through these long days of semi-isolation. It is my only defence against the monotony of cold winter days that coerce us to hide behind closed windows and doors and warm furnaces.

I want to get outdoors without big boots and bulky coats and sweaters and hoods.  I want to forget about earmuffs, gloves and big warm woolly scarves.  I want to feel light and get that spring back under my feet.  I want to shed all this heavy bulk that I always have to carry around just to keep old man winter from making me shudder and shake as it sucks the very life blood out of my lungs and liver and my kidneys.  Enough already. I'm not into leaving this country for warmer climates! I like Canada! But I want summer! 

Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet

As our years keep marching on
And we look back at our past
In childlike wonder we question fate
Are we there yet?
Did we fulfill our destiny already?
How much farther can we go?
Do we dare to still aspire

Do we dare to dream ahead?

Could we reach for goals and attain
Some vague purpose as yet unknown?

As you  ponder at the wonder
Of  life's journey and reflect
Do you wonder where you're heading?
And how much farther you can get?

We've all come far from where we started
Traversing life's ever winding curves
Blindly, boldly down uncharted byways
While searching for that illusive dream.
That we just can't forget.

Life's a tour of woes and wishes
Some of them are so far-fetched

But life itself has been a lesson

How life can speed  - or change - or cease
And we wonder, "Are we there yet????"

Time Marches On

Wow!  February already.  Where did the time go? I have always maintained that it took me forever to get to the age of sixteen but since then I seem to be looking for those ever illusive-brakes on this vehicle that is propelling me on  a down-hill slope and TIME just refuses to heed my pleas to slow down.

Why is it that we don't appreciate time until it becomes a scarce commodity?  Now don't get me wrong.  I am retired.  I do not punch a clock, or  report for work for a 9 to 5 job or dash to classes or any such mundane inconveniences that most younger folks are subjected too.  I am supposed to be past that stage.  Frankly speaking, I'm supposed to be a master of my own destiny now.  Still I seem to be on some kind of a schedule that makes free moments difficult to find.  I always seem to have a to-do-list that I just never can make disappear.

However, unlike some people, I have never been bored, which in my mind, would be a fate far worse than having a never-ending to-do-list.  So I may as well not complain.  I am well-off!  (And by that, I do not mean money-rich!) But wouldn't it be awful to have time drag?!? That would be much harder to take than having too many goals ahead of me.  As long as I don't miss out on anything important, life is still an adventure.  So until someone delivers that old order for a 36-hour day, I will just appreciate the fact that I do have prospects for more ventures ahead and that I can at least firmly anticipate shortening my to-do-list!

Poetic Purging

Rewards of Poetic Purging

I was reading my Roots Book and as I was going through my poetry corner, I was surprised to find it read like a diary.  I remembered the times  I had written the poems and the circumstances that inspired them as I read each line. I especially recall writing the poem "Gloom" for instance.  I was riding on a bus heading for Winnipeg where I was going to catch a flight to Toronto to visit my daughter.  Things had not been good at home that fall and as I  rode in that bus my depression was overwhelming.  To alleviate the oppression, I took out a small notepad from my purse and purged my emotions onto the paper.  (I have often done that, still do it now, in fact.)  Purging is a great catharsis.  It helps to put things in perspective; helps to put the problem out there where you can look at it, analyse it and often even fix it.  It definitely makes it easier to live through the bad times and it definitely helps you come out on the other side of the problem. 

Poetry is more comprehensive than prose for some reason.  It tells much more in much fewer words.  The blue poems seem to be the ones that “tell” the biggest stories and carry the most emotions.  The other poems “tell stories" as well and they also take me back, they make me recall special moments too.  But the blue poems are so much more poignant with the memory, (at least mine seem to be). Somehow prose just fails to convey emotions the same way.  But I realize now how the important writing that poetry was to me.  It helped me through the bad times.  It still does.  It gives perspective, clears the mind and lets you get past things, times that are not worth dwelling on.  I’ve had people tell me that they like my poetry because they can “relate” to it.  Perhaps it is because all of us have had “blue times” some time in our lives.  Some people express it in music..  I express mine in poetry.  Others have still different methods.  But whichever method you use, it is better than drugs , alcohol or some other form of self-mutilation and poetic purging is certainly much more productive and rewarding!

Passions and Hobbies

Icing on the Cake

There is something to be said about "running with the pack".  I miss it, I realize.  I used to belong to Writer's Clubs, but I got so busy with other things plus the publication of my books, that I gave up the writing groups. I now realize how much I miss the camaraderie of other writers.  Oh, it's not that I don't have other friends, people I can share things with. They are special too.  But having someone with whom you can share a "special passion", those are not that plentiful.

Whether your special passion is sports, hiking, cooking, baking, painting, woodworking, collecting, reading, writing or whatever your particular hobby is -  being able to share that passion with someone that has that same interest is always gratifying and particularly rewarding.  Only someone that shares your passion can understand how you really feel. Others  just "don't get it" no matter how special a friend they are or how hard they try to empathize. My life just lacks that "icing" on the cake of life without my writing buddies. The cake itself is delicious but the icing would just add to that special appeal.
I need to rejoin my Writing Groups!

Second Chance

Second Chance

Today is the Ukrainian New Year's Day!.  Today is the first day of my  new year!.  I didn't finish the last year like I would have wished.  I didn't start January 1st, 2013, off right. But being Ukrainian, I have a second chance.  Ukrainians have that option with Christmas and with New Year's.  That is why we stick so hard to our traditions!  That is why we are proud to be Ukrainian!?!   Never mind, I know what you are thinking, and I am not disagreeing with you.  It is just that, at the moment, this scheme happens to fit my purpose, so bear with me!  Second chances are few and far between and I am not letting this one get away. I want a  chance to start over, and I will risk scorn and ridicule to get it.   This is New Year's  Day so to all you Ukrainians and Ukrainian wannabees out  there Happy New Year!
This our chance to start over.  Let's not blow it!

Philosophy for Life

Life's Solutions

Sometimes we hit a snowbank

Sometimes we even get stuck

Sometime we need a shovel

To change our rotten luck.

 It gets so hard to smile again

To  overcome distress

We may need to change direction

To get out of the mess.

So when a thing looks hopeless

When we think we've reached the end

Let’s get the problem out there

Where we can make it mend.

We need a reassessment

To change our whole perception

All problems look less daunting

On clear and close inspection.

Just purging and exposing

And much investigation

Can be a great catharsis

And cease the castigation.

The problem may just shrink in size

When we see its true proportion

It never really was that bad

And our angst demands abortion.

So smiling at our problems

Is a really good solution

It just takes some time to find

A different resolution!

Vanished Dreams

Vanished  Dreams

My ship of dreams has left the port

It has sailed out to sea

It crashed into an iceberg

Leaving no real hope for me.

I planned so much for that sortie

I’d outlined the whole deal

But fate stepped in to thwart my plan

My vision for to steal. 

It hurts to see my wistful dreams

It wounds my soul so deep

To see them all lie shattered

In a useless crumpled heap.

 I lost the goal to work toward

The star that shone so bright

I drift without a paddle now

Through the darkness of the night.

But somewhere there is victory

Somewhere there has to be

A bright new star to light my way

A  guidepost just for me.

I’ll not succumb to misery

I must fight it all the way

I’ll conquer this dejection

I’ll sing again someday! 

Reaching Too High

Reaching Too High

Sometimes we need to be realistic

Sometimes we need to see

That what we view in Dreamland

Is not what we can be.

 Aspirations are all fine and good

If our goals are within reach

But when we go beyond that

They're but lessons meant to teach.

When goals keep getting difficult 

And stall us in every action

It's wiser to just turn around 

And change our whole direction.

Mount Everest may be the pinnacle 

To which we would aspire

But Manitoba's Baldy Mountain

Is our limit! We can't go higher!

Tis better to just to face this world

And function within our limit

Accept the time within our grasp

And live the life that’s in it!

Christmas Presents

A Christmas present that just does not fit.

 We have all had occaions where we received a very well-intentioned gift that just did not fit - either our size, our personality, or some personal trait of ours that just renders that gift inappropriate and necesitates a return or an exchange!  Life is a series of adjustments, corrections, and exchanges.  Some of those returns or exchanges are are painful for the giver, or the reciver, or both.  It is an unfortunate fact of life that just cannot be avoided.  We learn from these mistakes and  will not repeat the faux pas again in the future.

Hopefully, few of you fell into this category, and that you all had a wonderful Christmas and got only "proper-fitting" presents. I hope that you all enter the new year in a wonderfull state of  a happiness and conentment.

Chain letters

Chain Letters
Sometimes I feel I am being used.  Well not me, but my name is.  Like everyone else, I have a long list of email friends and some of them I keep in touch with personally and often.   We share news of family, of what we are doing and even a joke every now and then, that I know that particular person would enjoy.  There are others that share just jokes or pictures. That is interesting if it is within my line of interests.

 Then there are those that just use my name as a receptacle  for those chain letters that say "send to x number of people within the next x number of minutes and you will win big money or something wonderful will happen to you tomorrow  If you do not comply and send this out to all those people immediately you will have terrible bad luck for x number of years or some evil will immediately befall you".  These people need names (who cares if they are friends or not) as long as they have "averted their years of bad luck" or "assured their big windfall" or whatever other gimmick the chain letter writer used to insure propagation of his chain letter.  "I don't dare break this one!" I have been informed as a prelude to yet another chain letter.  Your name just has one purpose for these people.  It is a name they can click on when they need receivers.  You are not even a person to these people.  You are convenient recepticle they can click on to get that chain letter off their inbox.  They are not thinking that you would enjoy getting that email.  They know full well you won't appreciate it but your name served its purpose.  It added that extra click they needed to fill their "required Quota".  Don't you just  love having that kind of value!?! Some people just beg to be blocked!

BTW, none of the senders of these chain letters have won that 649 jackpot yet, so perhaps my name was not as valuable to them as they thought. Surprise???????  I wonder if the senders of these chain letters realize that those chain letters all have cookies attached.    And they definitely are not the edible kind!  What a (blessing?) that is to all the people they send those letters to!!!!!!!!

Now I Am a Snowman

I Am a Snowman

 I am not crying the blues
I've no reason to complain
Winter's here, my nose is cold
But I can take the pain.

'Twas really's not a bad way
To start a new day free
Till I ran into a snow blower
A blizzed just for me

I tried to duck but to no avail.
To hide, get outta the way
But he was on a mission
He had the right-of-way

Refusing to heed my plight
He just kept on blowing snow
I almost got buried alive
But it wasn't my time to go.

So now I am a snowman
With nose and eyes with tears
I'm waiting for the sunshine
To come and thaw my ears.

Mid-thought Rests

When Patience Fails

When patience fails, gets mushy
And logic  takes a powder
Waning wits, tangled thoughts
Announce our flaws much louder.
It's not that we don't mean well
It's not that we don't care
It's just that we now operate
On a totally different fare
It's not that we are senile
Cause we know just what is wrong
We'll get to it out eventually
It's just waiting on our tongue
It just takes a little longer
For our words to reach your ears
We've just used up all our slick tricks
Over all those many years

You bright and nimble young things
Don't laugh or ridicule
You think that you'll outsmart it
And change the aging rule
But that is not how the rules work
As us old folks can attest
We're just slower than we used to be
Cause we're taking a mid-thought rest! 

Remembrance Day

We Remember
With a haunting and poignant pathos
We recall those heroes
We never really knew.
Those unfamiliar faces
Warriors all, bold, intrepid,
The guardians of our freedom borne.

With distant visions yet undefined
Noble passions, valiant aspirations
And willing hearts they faced the dark unknown
They left behind their peaceful homes
To wander in uncharted regions
To face distress, life fraught with danger
To bravely fight a war that was not their own.

Can we even ever change age old ideologies
So unlike our own, yet so ingrained
That foreign concepts just cannot grasp
Nor accept? nor consider? nor renounce?
Yet our heroes go to battle
They strive, they struggle, they sacrifice
To make life just a little better
For strangers they will never know!

Winter Adventures

Tubing Down The Ravine
Another one of winters pleasures was tumbling  down a ravine in a huge tractor tube. This could be fun providing you didn't hit any unexpected protruding rocks on the way down, or else you would go sailing into the wild blue yonder and hopefully just land on soft snow and not on any hard surface.
Alas, this is but a memory.  Those days are long gone and the only thrill I can get now comes from reliving those pleasures as I leaf through old picture albums. Oh, but what fun that was!! Remember this, Mixers????

Skis, Skates or Cleats

Skates or cleats
We're back to the snow and ice again.  I really don't mind winter.  If you dress for it,  it can be comfortable. And it can be fun!  It is a beautiful time of the year, especially when the hoar frost turns the landscape into a glistening  wonderland of white! Even summer' blossoms can be hard pressed to compete with that phenomenon.

However before we get to that stage, we often must go through that that "freezing rain" season.  I don't think there is a single Canadian (or perhaps even some Americans) that actually enjoy that hazardous stage of our changing seasons.  I was walking to church yesterday and I usually enjoy the walk (eight city blocks), but yesterday, I almost turned back in surrender. Overnight the streets  had turned into a veritable skating rink, replete with miniature unexpected dips and slides
.
It seems that we do this every year.  In order to get to the good times we must first get through the bad ones.
Oh well, since I hung up my skis and my snowshoes, perhaps I should invest in a pair of skates.  Better still, considering my advancing age and my declining agility, perhaps it would be wiser to just go with sharp-point cleats!

Halloween Fun

Halloween Holstein

Sorry about the delay folks but  I was waiting for this picture, to show you our Halloween party fun.
These were some of the guests at our annual Halloween party. It was a riot of an evening! Age is no barrier to having fun and many of our residents just let their hair down, donned masks and costumes and just naturally hammed it up.  A mask allows you a freedom  to act silly with wild abandon.  It transcends the boundaries of "prim and proper decorum" and gives you license toss your inhibitions to the four winds and just let it happen!  It's all just in the name of harmless fun! Halloween is fun for all good sports.

Family Tree

Frustration  In Spades

When I first started working on our family tree, it was but a whimsical idea.  My sister and some cousins thought it would be interesting to see how our tree had grown, how many different nationalities and cultures we had embraced into our midst, how far abroad we had spread our branches, how many career paths we had imprinted, how many lifestyles we had wandered into, how many beliefs we had adopted, etc. etc. etc.  A fascinating subject, right?  Well, try it!

This sounded like an intriguing project and my sister got it started by gathering some basic genealogical facts.  She did not have a computer and did not type so she did it all in longhand on foolscap sheets that she kept in a large envelope in her desk drawer.  As she got older, she found the task burdensome as she had reached the limits of her personal knowledge and found other sources of information beyond her reach.  So who gets stuck with the continuation and the extension of this fantastic project?  Of course, the most likely candidate will be 1) someone that expressed interest in the project originally, 2) someone who has some basic computer knowledge, and most importantly 3) someone who is too naive to realise what she is getting into. The sum total of those factors at that time equalled ME.  I took that pile of foolscap home and entered a phase of my life that I had never encountered before.

With the aid of a computer program called the “Family Tree Maker” I organised the information, ran up monumental phone bills tracing (or visiting) reluctant or indifferent relatives, browsed through reams of Homecoming Books from places I had never even heard of, searched through countless unproductive archive files, visited graveyards throughout the prairies peering at unreadable gravestones and performing other unspeakably lunatic manoeuvres.  

Consequently, I have learned several very important lessons.  This project is monumental. It is exhausting.  It is “never-ending”.  It is time, energy and brain consuming.  It is costly.  It is thankless.  And worst of all, it is hopeless!   I give up!

Losing ground

When the Brain Doesn't Work
This started out as "humor" but ended up "lament"

When your tricky brain goes AWOL
And you feel you're losing ground
And the thought you're trying to retrieve
Just doesn't hang around.
You try hard to remember
But it seems to no avail
You may as well be hauling rain
In a leaky water pail.
Your mind gets so frustrated
And you fear the end is near
You seem so close to losing all
The brainpower you held dear.
You fight the sinking feeling
You're ageing much too fast
You're so afraid that intellect
Your clever self has passed
Your wit that used to be so sharp
Has hardly is now an edge
To get a thought delivered now
You almost need a dredge
Your youthful vim and vigour
Is gone without a trace
It did not stay to bid adieu
Just left you in disgrace
It's sad to see you're failing
And worse to be aware
That all that worldly wisdom
Is just not yours to share.

Thanksgiving

Thank You Lord

For good health and life serene

For friends, family, often seen

For sunny days and moonlit nights

For heavens full of starry lights

For trees and flowers, around and near

For air we breathe that’s sweet and clear

For food enjoyed that sustains our life

For peaceful times that hold no strife

For laughter, joy, – and – sorrow, too

All life’s experiences you guide us through

For all the blessing you give each day

We’re truly grateful and we humble pray:

Thank You Lord! 

Friends that are always there for us

Friend

For those people that are always there for us but whom we never seem to acknowledge or appreciate enough.  I just thought that with Thanksgiving coming up, such people should have a bit of recognition

I have entitled this little poem as simply

Friend

What do I see when I look at you

I see the bright sun shining through

A cloudless sky of azure blue

A lovely rose that’s sprung anew

I see a friend that’s always true

I see pure love reflected too

And I see you smile like you always do

So what do I feel when I think of you

I feel so grateful, I have you!

Autumn Splendor

 Autumn Spendor
 Enjoy  The colors of Fall are out there but don't even blink or you may miss them.  I love this season of the year.  It is so spectacular, but so fleeting!  One morning you look out your window and you behold this vibrant kaleidoscope of nature's beauty so awesome to behold and you want to drive out into the country to embrace this phenomenon but alas, today you have to go to work or to do something that you just cannot postpone so you make great plans with family and friends for a grand picnic next Saturday, out in those gorgeous outdoors.

All week long you eagerly anticipate a fantastically scenic rendezvous with nature's glory.  You pack mountains of food and refreshments, at least a couple of cameras, extra batteries and film, and make sure you charge up your batteries on your cellphone as well as any other photographic devices(because they snap great pics as well) and plan, plan, plan for this party of all parties.

Then on Friday, the day before the big day, after all the preparations have been finalized to perfection, a big wind whips up.  You wake up Saturday morning and look with dismay at the bare branches of the trees all around you. They resemble more of a barren winter scene than that glorious visual banquet you had been gearing up for all week.  Sound familiar???  Been there??? Done  that???  Just another example of "Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today".

When I was in Australia, they told me that they import our colorful trees to get color into their seasons because their own indigenous trees are ever green.  Until that trip, I had never appreciated those fallen colorful leaves.  They only represented a tedious fall chore - raking up the leaves.  Now I see those colors with wide open eyes and an appreciative mind.

Worthy Ambassadors of our City

I was walking to the library today and I met a fellow that very much impressed me.  Now this man was not a famous person nor was he, what most people would consider an "important" man. Nonetheless, I was extremely impressed by him and by what he was doing, and in my book, he is worthy of the "important" label.  Now I don't know the man's circumstances, nor do I know if he was "employed" to do what he was doing or if he was simply doing it as a goodwill volunteer.   I certainly have not seen others like him before so his is not a "common"job, though I do believe this city, or any city, could benefit from at least several of these fellows doing "the job" that this man was doing.

With the help of a long handled pair of claws that picked up cigarette butts, pieces of paper, crushed paper cups and all sorts of other garbage left behind by uncaring, inconsiderate and messy people, this man was cleaning the street by collecting all that garbage into a garbage cart that he pulled along behind him.

I certainly hope he was getting paid for this wonderful service he was providing for our city.    It is too bad that we have so many uncaring and messy people that leave their garbage so carelessly behind.  I wonder what these peoples' homes are like.  Are their floors, counters and furniture strewn with all sorts of debris?  What a pity that folks cannot take some pride in their surrounding and clean up their own garbage by depositing it in proper receptacles instead of dropping them at random on the street. Our city streets could be beautiful minus that mess.

How many of us sometimes wish we had a broom in hand while we walk down the street?  If these street-cleaners are not being "hired" as I suspect this fellow wasn't, perhaps the city could reward those worthy city ambassadors somehow. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see our city streets free of debris and garbage for a change? Or is that a pipe dream?

Soul-mates, the Spice of Life

Ode to Soul-mates 

How often do we run across that one person who is so in tune with our way of thinking that we need to be in contact with them almost constantly because that link is so vital to our life.  I'm not talking here about men and women, that "Partner in Life" thing though I admit there is profound validity in that.  That is a totally different subject, and I will not go there, certainly at not at this time.  But there are "soul-mates" out there whom we may not see on a regular basis but with whom we keep in touch by mail, or telephone or an occasional visit or whatever other method. When you have a great moment (or a bad one) you need to share it with only that one person.  You  share your innermost thoughts and feelings with them and are totally confident that they understand what you are talking about. Few of us are fortunate to find these soul-mates and it is a pity, because they truly complete our life no matter what the distance or the physical differences between us.

Is It Fall Yet?

Is It Fall Yet?

I walk outside and I see altered
The scenes of summer somehow faltered
The sun behind the clouds keeps hiding
It's orbit's changed, it's lower riding,
It's cooler now, I hear the call
I feel the chill of early fall
The rays of heat, the suns bright glare
It's gone somehow, it isn't there.
The birds that lilted lovely strands
Have flown away to distant lands.
The flowers bow their heads and sway
They fold their petals as if to pray.
The leaves above in trees still dance
Revel green, it's their last the chance.
Jack Frost is skulking around the bend
He's marking time for when to send
The vibrant colors of autumn's glory
The sign of harvest, the age-old story.
September's here, the time is spent
I don't know where the summer went
I'm looking forward to the rustle
Of fallen leaves, as I rush and bustle
To clear the garden, the final reaping
Of Nature's bounty for winter keeping.
I could go on endlessly
Reciting blessings ceaselessly
But 'tis enough to make us treasure
A life so full, it's beyond measure!

Nine Eleven

Nine Eleven

I started to do my blog and as I got ready to post it, it suddenly hit me what day it was.  How well I remember that morning those "many" years ago.  I woke up  but I was still in bed as I pushed the button on the remote to switch on the TV.   I wasn't looking for anything specific but I was just not in the mood to get up quite yet.  I watched the plane crash through the tower and I thought "What a horrible movie! And so early in the morning.  How do they film such things and why do they show such awful movies so early in the morning?" I was disgusted. "I guess those movie stations will do anything for money," I decided.

Normally, I would just have turned to another station or shut off the TV completely, because I don't like and never watch horror movies.  I still don't know why I stayed on that channel. I was convinced it was just a "stupid movie".   But something made me watch.  When realization hit that it was "News" and not "fiction" I glued to that station and couldn't leave.   I was still in that bed, in my pj's at noon.  I forgot about getting up, washing, dressing,  eating and everything else. What I saw that day proved to me that Truth is truly stranger than fiction.

 I pray for those innocent people that died that day but I especially pray for their grieving families.  The ones that died are no longer suffering, but the ones left behind will suffer for the rest of their lives.

Live This Moment

 LIVE THIS MOMENT

As I look over my blog, I see a trend that has developed that I had not noticed before.  It's not as if I have nothing in my life in the present.  Yet so much of what I have published in my blog has to do with my life back in Dauphin.  That is not bad. I have good memories of that time.  I had a good life there.  I was very involved with the community there, probably too much sometimes.  I had little time to do pleasure things so I put them off for "when I retire". Busy doing things I had to do, I had little time for things I wanted to do. I did, however, do a lot of travelling and I am happy that I did so.  I saw a lot of the the world. It was my very appreciated reward for all my hard work.  I certainly could not enjoy that strenuous pace now, so I'm glad to sit and read my detailed travel logs and look at my captioned pictures as I relax on my comfortable couch.  This is retirement as it should be, a time to reflect on a life well spent and much enjoyed.

Now that I "am retired" I enjoy the freedom to choose my activities but from force of habit, I find I still take on more than I can chew sometimes and that is my own  fault.  This spring was an extremely busy one and I found myself running out of steam too often.  It is time to acknowledge my limitations, time to take stock of my life, time to reset my priorities.  Retirement should not be a time to gear up.  It should be a time to gear down to a more comfortable pace. I have always dreamed of writing and as I spend my time at my computer, I am thankful that I still have this wonderful opportunity to indulge my dream on a hobby that is so stimulating and enjoyable for me. Too often we are so busy making a living we have no time to live. We miss out on the most important thing of all and often go to our grave with sad regrets. I am trying to avoid that.  I am living and enjoying my life now.  It's a much more relaxed pace and I like it that way.

I talked to a friend recently who was bemoaning the fact that all her life she had dreamed of painting pictures but she still has had "no time" to do it.  (She has been retired for fifteen years). How many of us can identify with that problem?  We keep putting things off over and over until we find that our time has completely run out.  We are too ill or just otherwise too incapable of accomplishing those beautiful dreams anymore.
What a waste of a life and opportunity that is!  It really is OUR CALL!  Live this moment!

Farewell to Summer Birds

The Robins are packing for their trip south.  Or perhaps they have already left because I have not heard or seen any robins lately.  Not that we get that many birds here.  Outside of the ubiquitous magpies, we see or hear only an occasional robin, sometimes a sparrow and if we are really lucky, we are treated to the flash of grey as a little chickadee flits happily among the branches  teasing us with his sweet "chicka dee dee dee".
Otherwise I have not seen too many bird species here in the city.



 I used to have tons of gold finches, purple finches, house finches and pinesiskens at my place when I lived in Dauphin.  They provided me with many hours of pleasure watching their antics at the feeders and the birdbath.   I also had a few humming birds , though not as many as I would have like to see.  My cousin, on a farm in Ethelbert, had dozens of them on her yard.  I so envied her.  Humming birds are so pretty and delightful.

We did see a purple finch this spring in my daughter's apricot tree.  I think he was scouting for feeders but although we had a feeder hanging in the other tree, I think we scared the him off with the loudly rustling blue plastic tarp that covered a trench below for some electrical cable.  The poor fellow never came back after that first reconnaissance trip.   A pity too.  I was so looking forward to seeing him and his family and friends visit us again.  

 I don't see any finches at all in my area of town (almost downtown Edmonton).  Perhaps the magpies are scaring them off.  Magpies are mean to the other species particularly to the nests and the young fledglings.  The magpie is not an ugly bird but I don't like their aggressively brutal behavior to the other birds and I don't particularly like the sound of the young magpies after they hatch.  They sound so raucous until their  "voices change".

Oh well, I do have my memories and my pictures.

Summer Storms

Memories from a Past

We had a hail storm the other day.  It was not too bad.  The hail was about the size of marbles. It did not scare me too much this time.  I felt safe and secure in a solid brick building. When I was in Dauphin,  I lived in a mobile home which I loved very much.  A mobile home is light and airy, not like a regular house.  What also helped to make it pleasant was that I liked the area I was in.  We all owned our lots so our subdivision was always well landscaped and meticulously manicured by owners who took pride in their yards as well as their homes.

Then came that fateful day in August of 2007 when a viscous storm rolled in from the northwest and trashed us mercilessly, leaving the whole town of Dauphin devastated.  No home was spared, no car was undamaged and no garden or flowerbed was salvageable.  The baseball sized hail whipped by forceful winds left me with a lasting fear of summer storms.  As I sat cowering in my mobile that day, I felt totally exposed and vulnerable to elements I had no way of escaping.  Fearing a tornado, I vividly recalled a whirlwind I had seen when I was a child.  I watched it pick up a frantically flapping chicken and carry it up into the wild sky.  I never did see that chicken come down.  As this storm raged around me and I heard the glass shattering under the onslaught of the hail, I imagined myself, in my mobile home, being hurled into the great beyond of outer space.

Luckily, both my mobile and I escaped irreparable damage. After replacing the siding, windows, fences and repairing the fist-sized holes in my roof, my life returned fairly well to normal except for my uncontrollable fear of  storms.  My love for my mobile home was now tainted with a feeling of vulnerability and helplessness.  Coupled with some other factors, I decided to move away.  I am happy here and I love my apartment, but I still think of that "home" I had in Dauphin where I enjoyed so many good times.  Only during that hailstorm last week, did I thank my lucky stars that I had moved and escaped that irrational terror!  

Success or What

From the time I read my first book ("The Boxcar Children"), I had a dream.  The original "Boxcar Children"  was  an orange-coloured hardcover book like an adult novel-type book, with no pictures.  Last year, when I heard it was still in print, I looked for it but found it was only available on loan from another library.  Of course I ordered it immediately.  I could hardly wait to see the book that had inspired me so much almost sixty-five years ago.  Alas, when I got it, it was not the book I was expecting, but a children's picture book revised for children.  I think even the wording was more child-like, but perhaps my memory is exaggerating that part. Naturally, I was disappointed. I shouldn't have been, nor should I have been surprised.   Children's picture books were not "in vogue" those days and perhaps my childhood mind may have conjured up a glorified picture of that "adult" book also, though I can vividly picture the orange hard cover with the black title on it.

 As a child, I hated "Literature" as a "subject" until I actually went teaching myself.  I didn't want to "dissect" the stories.  I just wanted to enjoy them.  I probably read every book in that small Kulish library. They made me want to write my own books someday.  Now in retirement, I have finally achieved that goal to a small degree.  I have  published two memoir books, one children's picture book and am hoping to have a novel published by Christmas. I am now working on two more books.  Now I realize that to many people, this is a mere drop in the ocean.  And so it is.  But to me it is

The Fulfilment of a Dream

I used to dream a wistful dream.
Fulfilment I would find
In a vague goal not yet complete
A silent wish not yet defined

A haunting dream, persistent
Of a goal that once was bated
By authors, poets, sonnets
That thirst that must be sated

The simplest hint of glory
Success of late achieved
A victory in minute doses
My yearning soul relieved

I'm grateful for this blessing
The fulfilment of this dream
It may not be a monument
But 'tis my own sunbeam!

My books are at   http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cmerko

Sweet Wild Blackberries

Luscious Blackberries from Mother Nature     

We just came back from Abbotsford BC and I was fascinated by all the blackberries that grow wild along the roadsides, in empty lots and along the fences. The roadsides are just loaded and obviously no one is interested in picking these delectable fruits that are free for the picking.  Mind you, you need a suit of armour to get into the middle of that bush where the best and biggest berries are.  These berries grow on the thorniest bushes you can possibly imagine and that is not an exaggeration!  The thorns literally grab you and entrap you so that you need to physically extricate yourself from their tenacious hold.  But I tell you, those berries are worth the battle.  When ripe, they are so sweet and juicy and they literally just fall into the palm of your hand.

The red ones in the top picture are not yet ripe but the picture shows you how prolific they are.  The bush in lower right is positively black with ripe berries.  The middle picture on the left is a close-up of some ripe fruit. 

We found the the ones that fall into your palm at the slightest touch are VERY sweet because they are so ripe.  If you have to pull them off, they are sour!  I guess that is why the store bought ones are always so sour -- because in order to withstand the shipping, they have to be picked before they are fully ripe.

I have sometimes purchased blackberries in the store but they were always so sour that I was not too eager to try these freebies from nature, but tree-ripened fruit is vastly different from what you get in the store.  These sweet berries are definitely worth getting yourself mauled by those ubiquitous sharp thorns!

My Frustrating Computer

My Frustrating Computer

My computer is a cantankerous soul

Its aim is to unsettle

To bite me when I least expect

To encounter a stinging nettle.

I try so hard to be consistent

Not to ruffle its fine feathers

But still it seems to take offence

And ignores what I think matters.

It hides my curser, or stops it dead

Then makes me type so small

I never did select that font

That was not my fault at all.

My rile is mounting as I type

It makes my blood run cold

It moved this section to the end

And made it all in bold.

It highlights in bright red ink

A somewhat brazen passage

It makes me cringe and hide with shame

That I ever sent that message.

It poings in laughter at my fury

My aggravation, its hilarity

It makes a joke of my persona

And a mockery of my charity.

I am convinced there is a demon

Lurking behind those keystrokes

Its purpose, to torment us

Innocent unsuspecting old folks. 

Now, That's a Mushroom!

                     Mother Nature's Special Gift
We called this the "Chicken Mushroom" and it actually does taste abit like chicken when fried up with butter and onions. It usually grows on top of a old maple stump cut off at ground level (which is where I found this one). I have also found them growing  on the side of an old maple that is still standing, anywhere from 2 to 5 feet up the trunk.  It can be a light brown to cream colored to this almost deep orange color.  I am told there are no other mushrooms that look like them so you are unlikely to pick a poisonous one.  It is very solid and meaty and can be canned or frozen, which helps because it is so large that unless you have a family of twelve, you cannot possibly consume it in one  meal.  It is fairly rare but a very special treat if you can find one.  I used to find them in the wild where there was a variety of young and old trees, especially maples. A walk in the woods was very rewarding if you came across this treat.

My Lonely World

I encountered a lonely Alzheimer's patient today, and I could not forget that look of desolation on the face of this unfortunate individual.  Of all the debilitating diseases of  old age, this disease and other forms of dementia scare me the most, because of its depressing tendencies.  It is so terribly sad to see because  it makes you feel so helpless and inadequate.

My Lonely World

You came into my world today

You saw, you understood

The presence of a poignant loss

Of something sweet and good

You gazed into my woeful eyes

Your sympathy profound

My smile was weak, my outlook bleak

But your empathy was sound

You held my shaking hand awhile

My fingers you caressed

My face was blank but in my mind

I knew you were impressed.

My dynamic life has faded now

Its exuberance diminished

My vibrant verve nonexistent now

My zest for life is finished

I appreciate your kindness

I am grateful for your caring

But compassion now is bittersweet

As is the Pity you are sharing.

We cannot turn back the hands of time

Or control our aging progression

We but hope to face, with a calming grace

The end without depression.

I'd Like to Be

Today I feel wistful and dreamy, wanting to be something I am not.  I have no idea where this feeling comes from.  It's not that I have anything missing, or unsatisfactory in my life , but it's just that.......

I’d Like to Be

I’d like to be a blue bird

Trilling lilting melodies

In wild abandon, never ending

Mother Nature’s rhapsodies

I’d like to be a bumblebee

Soaring, roaring, through the air

Landing softly on the blossoms

Bright and fragrant waiting there.

I’d like to be a perfume

Wafting softly in the breeze

Melding visions, nature’s beauty

With wonderful memories

I’d like to be a dew drop

Shining bright in the morning sun

Sitting on a lovely petal

Of a blossom newly sprung.

I’d like to be a rainbow

Arched above the world so high

Glorious colours softly blending

Like a halo in the sky.